Whatcha Thinkin

Quoting Railheel:
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000 .
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home .
The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"
The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead . I just can’t take that chance!"

You are sooooo, bad!

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar.

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"

Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

But, "how do you putt" asks Tiger.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Tiger asks, "What's your handi cap?"

Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."

LOL - oh you both are bad.

Hi folks, its going to be another cloudless, 80 degree day today. Sure hope when summer arrives we don't get 110 degrees. Everything is in bloom and I think my head is going to fall off. Wow allergies is a kicker this spring/summer.
Have a great day all

I can't believe how hot it is already for you, Carol! I think we are going to get out of the 40's today and into the lower 50's. Spring and winter are still duking it out here.

We had no winter this year, hardly any snow. And I love the stuff, but I will take this and flowers instead.
wow an AC in my pocket.

Wow Carol, you are (were) almost a hundred degrees warmer than I was this morning! We were -14.

I am not picking on Nancy (although I can't stand her) but a prime example of all those folks in the political spots.

The real reason that Queen Nancy is considering retiring, is that they took her Jet away. The facts are in....
As a result of a Judicial Watch filing under the Freedom of Information Act, the USAF released documents detailing House Speaker Pelosi's use of United States Air Force aircraft between March 2009 and June 2010. The data are published in the Judicial WatchVerdict of December 2010, Volume 16, Issue 12.
Here are the main highlights revealed by the USAF. Keep in mind that all the data below relate to United States Air Force aircraft used by one woman over a sixteen month period.
Several of these flights included Ms Pelosi's guests such as grown children, grandchildren, various in-laws, friends, and hangers-on. Over 95% of the trips were between the west coast and Washington , DC or what we might call a commute between home and the office. READ it and WEEP!!
> >>Total trips:
> >>85 trips over a 68 week period or 1.25 average trips per week.
> >>Total mileage: 206,264 miles or 2,427 average miles per trip
> >>Total flying time: 428.6 hours or an average of 5 hrs per trip
> >>Cost to the taxpayers: $2,100,744.59 or $27,715.00 per trip or $1,285,162.00 per year
> >>Cost of in flight food and alcohol: $101,429.14 or $1,193.00 per trip or $62,051.00 per year.
> >>On one junket to Baghdad, according to the Air Force report, she had the aircraft bar stocked with Johnny Walker Red Scotch, Grey Goose Vodka, E&J Brandy, Bailey's Irish Creme, Maker's Mark Whiskey, Courvoisier Cognac, Bacardi Rum, Jim Beam Whiskey, Beefeater Gin, Dewars Scotch, Bombay Sapphire Gin, Jack Daniels Whiskey, Corona Beer and several varieties of wine.

This was obviously a very important "gubment bidness" trip.

Evidence generally speaks for itself, and in Ms. Pelosi's case it speaks the language of abuse and (evidently) a serious familial drinking problem, for in a single year she and her spawn drank an amount in excess of the net income of the average employed American! When she said, "... If the stimulus doesn't pass, five hundred million people might lose their jobs...", I thought she was unintentionally revealing her ignorance. I'm now more inclined to think she was pickled.

Even though she can no longer abuse the USAF, she can either fly on her broom, or fly Southwest Airlines, where bags fly free.

Katy, I think we where warmer than anyone this last week, except for maybe FLA.I know its not going to last but enjoying it while its here.  Tonight we are to get storms.  You atleast have the northern lights to brag about.  Have a good weekend.  

Oh... Duane I've got to steal that and send it to all my friends!

Quoting katy99780:
Oh... Duane I've got to steal that and send it to all my friends!

I remember when the car manufacturer CEOs all showed up to DC for a bail out - all in private jets. Not one of thought it would be a good idea to 'jet-pool'.

Talk about being out of touch. Sheesh. Another perfect example, Duane.

Quoting SVLover:


I remember when the car manufacturer CEOs all showed up to DC for a bail out - all in private jets. Not one of thought it would be a good idea to 'jet-pool'.

Talk about being out of touch. Sheesh. Another perfect example, Duane.

So totally true, ding a lings.

50th HS reunion

He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates
and having attended class reunions in the last 20 years without fail.

This 50th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a
foursome with two other singles.

They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling
coyly back at him.

Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes, yes I
will!"

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he
was troubled.

Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?”
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went
over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not recall
her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called
her.

First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he
reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage he then
inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or
did you say “No?”

"Why you silly man," I said, "Yes. Yes I will. And I meant it with all my
heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember
who asked me!”

Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound,

and never left the house for 5 years.

It is now believed that he called the US Navy Seals himself

Frost warning tonight for all the pretty little flowering trees. Told them it wasn't spring yet.

Quoting gingyb:
Frost warning tonight for all the pretty little flowering trees. Told them it wasn't spring yet.

Rain and snow ahead here - our trees were not yet fooled. :)

Quoting RenoSoHill:
Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound,

and never left the house for 5 years.

It is now believed that he called the US Navy Seals himself

Heeheehee!

Nice one Katy

I've only got 50¢ :)

Hey there, nutty fishless friends!

Oh too funny Lori!

That's a goodin'!

John was a little down on his luck after being out of work for a few months and knelt by his bed and said, "Father, please help me win the lottery tonight so I can feed my family!"

The lottery numbers came up and they weren't Johns!

The next week John got down on his knees again, "Lord, My family is hungry and the little one needs to go to the doctor and I don't have any money, please help me win the lottery so I can provide better!"

The lottery numbers came up and they weren't Johns!

The third week and once again lottery time. John knelt once again. Dear God, Please let me win the lottery my family is hungry, my children are sick, the boys need shoes - Please Help Me!

The lottery numbers came up and they weren't Johns!

John was disturbed that his prayers were not answered and called out. "Lord why did you let me down?"

A Voice boomed from above - John, You have to at least help me out by buying a lottery ticket!"

LOL - I tried that too yesterday, Duane. It STILL didn't work.

Being Green

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, (if any) or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a hand pump or fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

I love the memory of the brown paper bag book covers, Katy. Those were ingenious.

And that last line, I hate to say, cracks me up.

I had forgot about the book covers....and I should have as mine always turned out like the dog made them-I was/am not artistic, but I could spot my books from a long distance away!

Mine always looked that way too, Duane. I had one of my more talented girlfriends build them. They were sure fun to doodle on for the entire year. :)

Not funny from a Californian! I still think I will have beach front property someday!

Quoting RenoSoHill:
Not funny from a Californian! I still think I will have beach front property someday!

Ha! It is exactly Californian humor.

Wonder if any of our storm chasers are in Dallas. Looks like a mess

Quoting gingyb:
Wonder if any of our storm chasers are in Dallas. Looks like a mess

Those were some videos coming out of there yesterday!

Snowing here this morning.

Quoting SVLover:
Mine always looked that way too, Duane. I had one of my more talented girlfriends build them. They were sure fun to doodle on for the entire year. :)

All the boys in my schools talked us girls into making their book covers for them, heheh!

Lori love the etch-a-sketch cartoon, and I LOVE etch-a-sketches!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publikenthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Oh that is too funny, Duane.

HAPPY EASTER MY FRIENDS. Hope for some beautiful sunny weather for all.
Softball season starting.

Thank you, Carol Happy Easter to you too. I think it is gong to rain/snow tomorrow. :)

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Lori looks like that is what we are going to have, sure is getting dark out there. Thank you Juslivin and Duane. Have a great holiday.

Yep its that time of year, and a 13 going on 14 year old trying to keep herself beautiful