Whatcha Thinkin

Romantic Dinner






A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.


Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.


The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman appeared calm and

unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.


The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."


The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in."

Cute Gary and Duane, great way to start a weekend.

On a flight getting ready to depart for Detroit
Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside
him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking,
moaning in fear.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I've been transferred to Detroit,there's crazy people there.
They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor
public schools, and the highest crime rate."

Jack replied, "I've lived in Detroitall my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you.
I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."

LOL - too funny you guys.

Stole this from BriarCraft

Okay you guys have to tell me how to get these things loaded on here. I can't figure it out.

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed
listening to the next door neighbor's dog..
It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
and her husband says, "The dog is still barking,
what have you been doing?"
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!

HAHAHAHA! Love them ALL!

Come on Carol - post some things - I sent you the instructions, just follow the bouncing ball!

To Be 8 again!
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you dummy!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

If a man is in the woods alone, and says something a woman can't hear, is he still wrong?

Y U P !

..and Lori - you should have put the last line in BOLD PRINT AND CAPS

Quoting RenoSoHill:
Y U P !

..and Lori - you should have put the last line in BOLD PRINT AND CAPS

OK - I bolded it, but am too lazy to go back through and cap it. ;)

A blonde, burnette and a red head were stranded on an island 20 miles from the nearest continent. First the red head starts to swim and gets 5 miles and drowns from exhaustion. Then the Burnette tries. She gets 10 miles and drowns. Then The blonde swims 15 miles gives up and swims back, afraid of drowning.

Quoting RenoSoHill:
Come on Carol - post some things - I sent you the instructions, just follow the bouncing ball!

Give me some time Duane, I have to work ya know and it takes a lot of concentrating, plus I have to find them. You must have patience teaching me. Of course you will find out soon all about that. LOL

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him.




She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.....

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker......
Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!

How about this, see I learned

THANK YOU DUANE. YOU ARE THE MAN.,.

http://thumb7.shutterstock.com/thumb_small/498883/4 98883,1327173293,7/stock-photo-hairy-monster-93270 946.jpg

This could be fun.

Good ones Lori

Haha Carol I love it! Duane you have created a monster!

Love it Duane,
As you can see by our weather blog, it is darn cold here and snow might be falling again. Course we don't get any in the winter but we might for the spring.

Quoting gingyb:
Love it Duane,
As you can see by our weather blog, it is darn cold here and snow might be falling again. Course we don't get any in the winter but we might for the spring.

we traded you - last weekend snow, this weekend 84 degrees ugh, does it ever feel hot!

Yep we got rain, but it is cold. Like you one day 84 next day just above freezing. Ohio valley is going to once again lose its blooms and my Azelea's where getting ready to make a show, Lori. Bodies are in shock.

Must be a cold front coming in the next few days, even though it was 90 yesterday and headed for 87 today but the lilacs are just about ready to bloom and they always get frozen. I only keep the bush so the quail have a place to hide from the hawks while they are near the feeder.

Quoting RenoSoHill:
Must be a cold front coming in the next few days, even though it was 90 yesterday and headed for 87 today but the lilacs are just about ready to bloom and they always get frozen. I only keep the bush so the quail have a place to hide from the hawks while they are near the feeder.

LOL - it does seem that one flower or another is in peril this time of year. Cluds are moving in, and I am doing the t-storm dance.

Got some really nice all day rain. North of us got some beautiful wet snow according to some of the pics on the news. Couldn't leave work for picture taking. Man a bummer

A client was leaving his attorney's office and handed in his fee of $950. in crisp new $50 bills to the attorney
.
After the client left, the attorney counted the money and found that two of the new bills had stuck together he was actually over paid $50.. This presented a challenging and ethical question......

Should he tell his partner about the extra money?

THIS IS JUST SO FUNNY THAT I HAD TO SHARE IT WITH ALL OF YOU.
MY BROTHER SENT THIS TO ME.

Feeling Unappreciated

Sometimes we just get depressed. No particular reason (or maybe there is a reason), but thing with me for a few instances of things that happen that we can't control.  Read and enjoy.

The next time you feel that nobody loves you, no one cares, or that no one ever notices you, think of this guy:

Worker dead at desk for five days
New York Times

Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for five days before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader as a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers.

He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why we was working during the weekend.

His boss, Elliot Wachiaski, said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself."

A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died

You may want to give your co-worker a nudge occasionally. The moral of the story? Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These: READ ON!!

In one hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits Just when the clock struck 11:00, Fernando Rodriguez , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00 At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a Bad Day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.

God is good!

There now, I hope you are feeling better?

Have a wonderful day!

Hahahahaha! Lori you really got me laffing on that one!

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

Punography

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer battery arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

What a fun place to visit. You guys are right on top of the jokes. Really wish we would get spring already, I want to go plant flowers to take pictures of.